July 17, 1996

More than once, maybe twice, perhaps three times, at the most, I have been asked about Swans' copyright. So I worked hard to put together a legal text for all readers out there who feel that intellectual property is only an Apple-Microsoft conundrum:

Swans is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental except when he/she is French. Void where prohibited except when prohibition is prohibited. Some assembly required -- screwdriver for sale. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment--especially in a vacuum. Use only as directed by the Surgeon General. No other warranty expressed or implied except death. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment and drinking milk. Postage will be paid by addressee if you find it. Subject to FDA approval. This is not an offer to sell securities as we only deal in dangerous substances. Apply only to effected area in your heart. May be too sexually intense for some Christian Fundamentalist viewers . Do not stamp your own ass. Use other side of said anatomy for additional listings. For recreational evangelistic use only. Do not disturb the confessional. If condition persists, consult your physician and ex-Senator Dole. No user-serviceable parts inside, hopefully. Freshest if eaten before drinking coffee. Subject to change partner without notice. All times approximate and subjective. No postage necessary if mailed in these unUnited States of America. Please remain seated before calling God. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of your perverse agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on CNBC. One size fits all, so she says. Many suitcases look alike, only the size differs. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients, yet is quite addictive. Colors may fade with tongue and cheeks. We have sent the forms which seem right for Liddy Dole. Slippery when wet, tell me about that. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross, thank God. Drop in any mailbox if you are a Republican. Edited for television and a few senators' consumption. Keep cool, process promptly, and lick it. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender in Kansas. No forwarding Address on file. Unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any sexual defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only, call first. Penalty for private use. See label for consequencial pleasures. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Abortion prohibited. Falling genes. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp your bottom. Avoid contact with skin, you may get addicted. Sanitized for your protection, use Doles's condoms. Be sure each item is properly endorsed by the AMA. Sign here without admitting guilt. Employees and their families are eligible. Beware of dog fights over dicks. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer. Call now to ensure prompt genetic delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this shallow engagement. No pubic purchase necessary. Processed on location. Shading within a progeniture may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children under 15. Pre-recorded for these time zones. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. List at least two alternate dates of different gender. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate, please. No transfers issued until full satisfaction. Package sold by weight and content, not volume. The author is not responsible for the contents herein. Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

This disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whomever it was stolen from.

Blame me.